Therapeutic Intensives: A roadmap for parents
There is so much noise about what you “should” do, as the parent of an addicted adult child, that it can be really difficult to feel good about what you ARE doing.
And, just when you think you’ve made a decision about things… you start second guessing yourself. 🤔
You want to get it right - because you care about your child more than anything.
It can be emotionally overwhelming and confusing.
But, even when we're suffering, it can sometimes feel like we should just figure it out all by ourselves.
The opposite is usually true.
In fact, it is virtually impossible to "see your own stuff" when it's so emotional... or when you have gotten used to living with chronic stress or dysfunction.
We often need someone who is way more objective to see how we maintain our own suffering.
Addiction clouds everything and brings so much uncertainty about how to help and what to do. 😶🌫️ Many parents have spent years or decades on a roller coaster that can wreak havoc on mental, emotional, and physical health.
If you’ve been in this position, or are there now, I totally get it. It is SO painful, and you can feel like this is the way it has to be.
One reason that I specialize in helping parents, as a therapist, is that parents in this situation face challenges from so many angles, and it's extremely difficult to find a professional that actually understands all of them.
This is why I’m now offering “Therapeutic Intensives” for parents of addicted adult children.
This is an offer for all parents, no matter where you live.
As such, it isn’t “therapy,” but it can feel extremely therapeutic. 😅
I’ve started offering my intensives “quietly,” but the feedback has been so encouraging, that I’m ready to make them available to you.
In these Intensives, I’ll guide you through my “Five C’s Framework” that takes you from being stressed out or suffering… to feeling calmer and more at ease, knowing that you have the skills and a plan for how to take care of yourself, while also improving your relationship with your adult child.
One of the things I love most about working in this way is that you don’t have to be in therapy with me for weeks, months, or years to achieve significant results. I’m guiding parents through my Framework in just two and a half hours. 🙌
This Therapeutic Intensive is a combination of psychoeducation, planning, guided exercises, and support to work on your specific challenges.
In this structured time, we can accomplish so much together. In all my years working with parents, I’ve dissected the challenges they face and I’ve come up with practical solutions to address those challenges.
My Therapeutic Intensive distills these solutions and applies them to your unique situation and what you want to achieve for yourself.
Because I’ll be focused on you and your situation alone (for 2.5 hours), you can get solutions and make progress quickly.
Here are the “Five C’s” we’ll focus on:
Clarity 🤓
I’ll help you to get clear on what you want for yourself and your relationships, and we’ll make a plan for how to get there from where you are now.
This will include defining the boundaries you want to set and how to set them with more ease.
We'll also develop a contingency plan for your situation with your adult child. This type of plan can bring so much relief to your anxiety, and I love helping parents create one that's realistic for them.
Connection 💞
This is where I’ll help you identify what is getting in the way of a healthy, peaceful relationship with your adult child or other family members.
We’ll look at communication styles and whether you are unintentionally sending messages that undermine your goals.
Practice makes perfect, so I use specific exercises to help with communication. In my experience, this often leads to “Aha” moments for parents - as they see exactly what they can say (and not say) that breaks patterns of arguments, enabling, and control struggles.
And, it’s usually so much easier than they think!
Cognition 🤔
I'll identify the thoughts and beliefs that cause you ongoing suffering. As a therapist who specializes in anxiety and stress, this comes very naturally to me.
Worries, guilt, self-doubt… I'll guide you through exercises that show you how to work with your own mind when it bombards you with spiraling thoughts.
nonControl 🕊️
Even when parents have learned a lot and come a long way in this situation, there are usually ways in which they are subtly (or not so subtly) trying to control their adult child or others.
This can keep you in “low-grade” suffering, perhaps indefinitely. (It’s not your fault - control is ingrained in us!)
I will help you to root out the ways in which you are still trying to exercise control, whether it's with your communication, enabling behaviors, or in how you're working with your own mind.
Compassion 💗
The pain that comes with having a child with a substance use disorder calls for a heavy dose of compassion. I will teach you exactly what this means according to research and how to practically apply it.
Whether it’s when you’re waiting for the “other shoe to drop,” after you see your child and how they’re living, or just by thinking about them… you’ll be ready to help yourself and take care of your anxiety and emotions when they arise.
Likewise, I’ll teach you how to respond compassionately to your adult child, even when you’re not feeling a lot of compassion.
And, of course you can ask me any questions you like.
This may seem like a lot to cover - and it is! - but you will be surprised how much we can get done in this format.
One Mom I worked with said that she had to stop spending money on her son. She had put herself and her husband into debt, had damaged her relationship because of this, and she was constantly texting with her son and doing things for him "on demand." She felt exhausted and was constantly awaiting the next demand. And, none of it was helping her son to do anything healthy for himself.
In our Intensive, this Mom learned how to:
🌟 Set boundaries and say no - so that she could save money, while also helping her son
🌟 Properly address the guilt and anxiety that kept making her "cave " to her son's demands
🌟 Know what to say (and not say) that kept her out of blame games and arguments
🌟 Communicate so that her son would actually listen to and respect her
🌟 Be a healthy example for her son, so that he could see what was possible in his own life
🌟 Made a plan for when she next sees her son, so that she isn’t as anxious about it
In record time. 😉
This Mom told me that she learned so many practical skills and couldn't believe how much we packed into our Intensive. She walked away with a plan for dealing with her situation and her son. 📝
More importantly, she gained the confidence and calm that comes with knowing what to do whenever her emotions and guilty feelings get the best of her, or when her son shows up with another problem.
And, perhaps most importantly, her plan and the decisions in it are uniquely hers - which means she wasn't told trite, cookie-cutter answers that she doesn't want to act on.
I’ve worked with hundreds of parents (mostly Moms) of addicted adult children. And, I’ve spent time with countless others (Facebook groups, recovery meetings, etc.)
And, I’m going to try to be blunt here…
The majority of parents I hear from are spinning their wheels in suffering.
I listen to all the ways they try to “set boundaries” with their adult child that are so much harsher than they need to be - which increases the likelihood that they’ll give up, or that their child will be hurt in the process. 😥
I hear and read all the advice to just “get over” feeling guilty, “think positively,” or distract themselves with self-care - which is helpful at times, but rarely enough for long-term peace of mind. 😬
I see parents who, in trying to be “strong,” end up rejecting their kids… or, on the other end of the spectrum, are still trying to control their adult children - by arguing and lecturing, or doing things for them that don’t really help - and then they blame the situation, themselves, or their kids when they’re stressed out and nothing changes. 😣
Now, I really do get it… it can be so difficult to get off this roller coaster (been there, done that, bought several 👕👕👕).
It can feel like there is nothing you can do that will help or make you feel better.
✳️ Because, parents who have been dealing with their addicted adult child for a long time frequently start to think that this has to be their “new normal.”
It’s the proverbial “frog in the pot of boiling water”:
We gradually get used to our suffering and can’t even see what else is possible for us - especially when it feels like a “low-grade” suffering.
It can feel like this is as good as it gets.
But, don’t fall for it when your mind tells you that.
It is totally possible to get to a new level of peace. 💯
Especially when you have a professional who:
✅ Works with you one-on-one and sees your situation objectively
✅ Has analyzed (obsessed about?) the problems that cause stress and suffering
✅ Guides you with research-informed and experience-based (battle-tested 🥷) solutions.
To be clear: I won't tell you what you “should” do. Instead, you tell me what you want to achieve and what you're struggling with. Then, I'll show you how to get there and address the obstacles that are currently getting in your way (my specialty 😇).
I can show you just how much things could improve and how you can get out of “low-grade” suffering, feel more relaxed, and rebuild your relationship with your adult child. 😮💨
And, if you have dreams or goals for yourself that you’ve put on the back burner (or dismissed as impossible), I’d love to help you with those too.
Some parents worry that they won't be able to make the changes they really wish they could make...
Of course, there is no magic wand. 🧚♀️
But you'll be so much more likely to make positive changes when you see how simple and concrete the steps are...
And when you have a roadmap to follow.
I created this one-on-one, 2.5 hour Therapeutic Intensive so that I can help more parents, no matter where they live, in a brief but impactful way.
Next Steps:
If you want to implement my Framework in your own life, just click on the link below to sign up.
You’ll see a "Book" button that will take you to a calendar page.
Select an available day and time.
You'll be able to sign up for $397.
We'll meet on Zoom.
If you don’t see a time that works for you, feel free to reach out and we can probably find another time that works.